


Tears Not Yet Shed

by LakynBacon



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-02
Updated: 2015-04-05
Packaged: 2018-02-23 14:10:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2550413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LakynBacon/pseuds/LakynBacon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Shepard chose Synthesis, Garrus lost the person that meant his everything. How did they cope being separated by a force stronger than love? Garrus and Shepard overcome the heartache of death and life to finally reach each other once again. This is a story of two people finding themselves amongst the rebuilding of a relationship, just like so many have done before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Arrival

Sunny and rainless days continue for the realm away from the new reality. The Reapers had stopped the destruction of all species and assisted in the reconstruction of the galaxy. A new upgrade to all life had made everything stress-free and easy. The only exception was the emotions of lost family members, friends, and pets. Although, the most tragic of all losses belonged to those that lost someone they were in love with. Boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, sexual partner, the list is never ending.

The utmost heart-rending, catastrophic cost to the war was the bereavement of its Commander. When the news of her life being taken was learned, her boyfriend went into a stage of depression, yet not a single tear was shed. The Turian traveled to Tuchanka, Rannoch, Earth, and other planets that had undergone a drastic change due to Shepard's efforts. Happiness and friendship had helped Vakarian change for the better. He still did not cry from euphoria or from his heavy heart. Although only some had heard small things about Shepard, he made the Commander a legend. But, this only lasted for a while.

Several months after Shepard's decision, Garrus hardly left the bar. Tali, Joker, Chakwas, and EDI were particularly worried about him. But, they didn't know the truth behind him going into the same bar, sitting in the same spot, and ordering the same two drinks.

He always left the other alcoholic drink untouched, condensation dripping down the sides. He stayed there until it became flat and the bubbles disappeared from the human beer. It depended on the bartender working when he came in, but usually they cleaned up the drink when it was closing time.

What stopped his addiction to the substance that helped him forget, was the finding of Shepard's body. Cerberus has been abolished and the fortune of the Illusive Man had been lost; nothing could be done to save her. She was far worse now than from her previous death. The armor didn't keep everything mostly intact, but her infamous N7 breasts plate was still intact. The crew polished it and hung it on the Normandy's memorial wall. Garrus was invited to the testimonial in her memory, but was not seen at the gathering.

Vakarian kept thinking that his Commander could escape the crashing of the Citadel; even after the time for her to be alive past, he kept believing. He prayed after not praying since he was a young boy, still worshiping the filth his father stomped on. He realized that he couldn't go his whole life drinking. Shepard would have never wanted that for him.

Garrus was soon commissioned to be the security for the Council, watching over their decisions and who they appointed Spectre. He was asked again if he wanted to do Spectre Training and, again, he denied. Everyone noticed his calm and monotone mood, contrary to his previous enthusiastic approach to every situation. Even when there were assassination attempts on the Council, he was nonchalant about the entire affair.

So it was only to his former teammate's surprise when he was downed by one of these ventures on the Council's life. Garrus spent several days in the finest infirmary offered, but he was too stubborn to stay alive.

Garrus Vakarian wanted to meet the _love of his life_ again. Even the greatest of doctors and medicines could not keep him from doing that.

* * *

Of all the clouds in the sky, the whitest were always above Shepard's head. The grass was always greener under her boots. Everything she touched became gold. Even her fish didn't die of malnutrition. Her heaven looked perfect, seemed perfect, was perfect. But it was missing the best element she could wish for.

Garrus Vakarian. Turian, soldier, best friend, and lover.

Though this Utopia was flawed, it still had a bar. All alcohol was edible to everyone, and hangovers were impossible to have. The mixologists here knew what time she came everyday and had her drink prepped before she could even see the bar. The Commander's chair had her name carved into it, by a random admirer. A lone chair always resided to Shepard, everyone knew who it was for, but it was never talked about.

Thane and Mordin chatted with her about the impeccable weather, or the new people that came into this realm. They were careful to never mention Turians. But, when she walked into the bar, it was her alone time. If you knew her, you never wanted to mess with her when she drank alone.

A blue glass of liquor stood as her right-hand man, but she never drank a single drop. Her caring eyes could stare at it for hours, drinking her own weight in alcohol. Shepard's long red hair could mask the sadness expressed on her face. Though, the sadness in her eyes was hard to miss. Those beautiful, green landscapes that looked fierce in time of battle, bold in times of victory, and loving in times of happiness. No one had seen them stray from the path of depression since the last kiss of hope was given to her.

Not until the _love of her life_ came running into heaven.


	2. Never Look Back

Eyes reddened with the sadness of remembrance, Shepard stared at nothing. The sun bore its rays upon the skies, but she rather prefer a gloomy and somber day; it would fit the mood much better. The children that played out in the parks didn't greet death, similar to Shepard, but they seemed to have their minds made up. This heaven was what they wanted, because gloomy days would never overcome them here like they would in the living.

She never fully registered that she was going dead. Saying it was too easy for her than being it. Sometimes she would walk outside and play a game of tag or something she rendered useless, just so people would stop staring at her with pity.

But today was her anniversary with her lover, and all she could do was drink her worries away. Well, that's all she wanted to do, but Admiral Anderson couldn't stand for it at all.

He sat from across the bar in a dark corner, sipping on what was left of his whiskey. David saw that her chair was occupied, and instantly knew that she already had her two drinks ordered. Anderson stood up and walked over to her. "Shepard, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

Her only response was a soft hiccup, hardly even registered by Anderson, but he knew from the way the Commander's body jerked.

"You can't drink the day away. What would _he_ think about that?" He was careful not to mention the name and set off any more tears. The last time he mentioned her soul mate in a story set her off for weeks. She didn't participate in any sort of social event, her eating habits became scarce, and hygiene wasn't anything of importance.

Shepard started to look towards him with a look of understanding and stubbornness. She didn't want to celebrate without Garrus here, but she didn't want him here either, because that would mean his mortal life was finished. She couldn't stand to think of that just now, not on their anniversary.

"I can't be happy without him." Anderson cast his eyes down at the bar table. "After all the shit I've dealt with, I thought I would be met with some sort of happiness. I thought that I could breathe again, without everyone relying on me to fix the broken in the universe."

It felt like hours ticked away as she swallowed back tears. Her arm wiped across her eye before anything would come out, and she exhaled heavily after gulping down the last of her drink.

Shepard stood up to leave, but he caught her arm. She turned towards him fiercely and reached with her free left hand to touch his firmly, pushing into his pressure points. "Let go of me." His eyes held the look of empathy, but Shepard was too busy looking at his hand to notice. She was far too annoyed to let anyone to feel sorry for her. People looked on her with pity in life and death, and that was something she didn't want any more of.

"Where are you going?" She finally looked up at him, but avoided direct eye contact and settled on his chin instead.

"I'm going to visit some friends. I just need to go." She left without looking back for Anderson's response. It was an obvious lie, and they both knew it was.

He sighed, but his feet didn't move from their spot. Running after her would be useless, she would only push him away faster.

* * *

Garrus approached the gates. He closed his eyes while he held back a tear; a smile was spread across his features. How long had he waited for this? How many months had he spent fantasizing how his arrival would be?

His Shepard. His light in the dark. His savior from perdition. His _everything_.

Vakarian would finally hear her voice, crisp and clear, instead of imagining her whispers inside his head.

The golden gates were open, showing the turian a dimension of natural happiness and safety, a place where he would find his love. His stride was purposeful and true, determined to find her. The Commander was the person who made him _feel_ like someone, like he mattered more than anything in existence. Not his mother, not any of his friends, and definitely not his father.

If it wasn't fer her then he would surely be in hell with the Illusive Man and Kai Leng, or throwing back shots with the devil. Garrus would be a damned man if Shepard hadn't intervened in his life, and he knew this more than anything.

Doubts ran through his head like bugs. _What if she isn't in this heaven? What if all of this was just some dream my mind has made up while I'm actually in a coma? What if she doesn't even recognize me?_

_What if she doesn't love me anymore?_

However, the thought that glowed the brightest in his mind was an image of Shepard. It was before they stared dating, but after her first death. She was alongside operatives Lawson and Taylor, jeopardizing the gangs that ran the Terminus Systems. Shepard's eyes were as beautiful as the rarest jewel, and her hair was free and waving in her gait. From then, he truly saw what others saw in the Commander, a beauty with the devil at her side. His CO could walk on someone with stilettos and thanked, by the victim, for it.

He kept that burning image in mind as he searched for her, keeping what he said closest to him as he strode into heaven. _Meet me at the bar...I'm buying._

Garrus hastened his pace, searching for a bar. Today was a very important day in his life.

Well, his death.


	3. Old Times

Crisp leaves left a pungent smell in the wind, hinting at the beginning of fall. It was heaven, but that didn't mean that it couldn't experience the seasons. Which this usually made Shepard happy, seeing the sights of bare trees branching their dark bark onto the whiteness of the snow. However, for now, the fiery colors around her only reminded her of the time she was missing with Garrus. They always bought a small, fake tree to decorate on the Normandy, and it was physically making her sick that they weren't together. Of course she missed her crew mates but knew that they would pull through. They were survivors and would find a way to help rebuild the universe that had crumbled around them.

Shepard found a bench that was fairly secluded so that she could sit and fold her face into her palms. Tears threatened to spill, but she kept whispering to herself. " _Not yet. Not yet. Not until he's here._ "

It was close to where Shepard laid that Garrus questioned a lean batarian about bars. A quick point in the opposite direction, and Garrus was gaining more and more distance away from his love. He was sprinting and sucking in as much air as his lungs could take. His fists almost broke the door as he burst into the building. All eyes gave him their attention with wide open faces.

" _Shepard_!" His voice pierced the soft music playing in the background. All was silent around him as he searched the bar, trying to find clues of anything.

"Sir." The hanar bartender directed a trembling tentacle towards a chair at the end of the long stretch of counter space. On the chair read "SHEPARD", scratched into the metal. Vakarian marched to it, determination strengthening his pace. "This one saw her leave twenty minutes ago," the bartender connected the dots, thinking that this was the person Shepard had been waiting for.

Without so much as a thank you, Garrus Vakarian ran hard and fast out of the door.

Shepard stood up and brushed herself off. This wasn't the first anniversary she had spent away from him, she could live through another day. Besides, it was all about the morale of the people around her. She couldn't let them pity her for the rest of eternity; that was not a life well spent.

As she turned away to walk to her apartment, she heard the heavy breaths of a larger man. The sound, it was so familiar. _Am I hallucinating?_ But the huffing became louder, so she stopped in her path, causing someone to collide into her.

" _Shit,_ watch where you're going." A man's sultry, deep voice swallowed every thought she had in that moment, shattering them to pieces. She could feel her heart racing and her palms become sweaty.

So she got off her feet and his eyes greeted her.

Those eyes that were once the color of the bluish-grey of a winter sky were now a glowing, electric green. Throughout his skin Shepard watched green flow throughout his blood. Everything was the same except for the synthesis she died for. Shepard thought long and hard about that day for so long, but just now did she see the effects. Others had died and come to heaven since then, but she gave them no attention until now.

It was like a haze was disappearing from around her. Everything became radiant and jubilant. This was what she envisioned heaven would be like long before her demise, and it was long overdue.

"You-You're." Shepard chocked back her words, afraid to say anything more.

Garrus couldn't believe his eyes. After all this time and here she was. "I-I-I'm so sorry." He reached out to her, to make sure that everything was real. Her skin was hot, soft, and very recognizable.

She giggled and the corners of her lips repelled each other. "I love you. I love you. I love you." She said repeated after each breath, and it felt like she couldn't say it enough. Shepard walked into him, letting her tears finally flow.

Garrus surrounded her with his embrace and leaned his head onto hers. He cried for the first time in forever, in all that they have lost but for all that they would soon gain. "I love you so much."

They pushed away to stare into each others' eyes, reminiscing in the beauty of their lovers. Both of their faces came close again, sealing their love with a kiss. It felt like the softest of fabric and was as warm as hot cocoa on a wintry day.

Garrus rose his hand to rest on the nape of her neck, letting his fingers curl into her hair. Shepard leaned into his hand, granting him access to her neck. Her moans were quiet, but they led Garrus on, begging him for more. He nibbled on her ear lobe, pulling and sucking.

"Please, Garrus," she whispered.

He understood and backed away, seeing as the environment that they were in was very inappropriate for what they wanted to do to each other. They were careless animals, ready to prance on each other.

"Let's spend this anniversary together like we always did, with a bottle of booze and crazy, careless sex." His voice was demanding, but she wanted the same thing.

"Just like old times?" She chuckled, mocking his usual catch phrase.

"Just like old times," he repeated, taking her in his arms, ready to follow her wherever she went.

Forever.


	4. Broken Hearts

*NEW CITADEL*

The Migrant Fleet donated their largest ship to replace the Citadel, so that the universe could try and regain it "sameness". However, it was much smaller than the glorious Citadel, and there was no real name for it besides the "New Citadel", but people didn't really complain about the name as much as the size. After the assassination attempt on the Council, the New Citadel enforced more security. It was harder to travel and trade than ever before, but Solana and Talus Vakarian weren't there for the souvenirs. They came to bring Garrus's body back to Palaven. His mother was too sick to travel, just barely holding on to life, but she wanted to see her son one last time.

They were told to see Dr. Chakwas, who was now working for Council affairs. She tried everything she could to save Garrus, but he fought against the medicine and everything she did. Chakwas knew it was a dead end.

Solana took his death the hardest. She was always close to him and knew that he was going to propose to Shepard after she defeated the Reapers. When the news of the Commander's death reached her, Solana immediately contacted Garrus and tried to help him with his mourning. He never responded to her messages, but she knew he was alive. Finally, an official message from the Council alerted her family that he had become part of their security, vowing to stay and protect the Council for the rest of his life. Their entire family was torn, but Talus thought that this was best for him. He would be under careful watch and would be helping to secure the Council.

They walked past the construction of the Shepard Memorial. Their were artists from all races making sure that every single detail was being sculpted in. While only the bottom half of the memorial was complete, it was still a glorious monument, but it was still hard on both Vakarians to see it. It was being built here, but it would be shipped to Earth later after it was safe and rebuilt. Earth was Shepard's home planet, so everyone deemed it fit to be placed there.

The hospital quarters were just on the other side of the monument. Dr. Chakwas was waiting for them there, fearing what she would have to say. It was never easy telling family about death. She never got used to it and never wanted to. Garrus' body was carefully packaged and was laid inside a heavily protected coffin, but it could be opened. Solana and Talus entered the room, fully prepared to see his body, but they were relieved to see that Chakwas had secured it already.

"Doctor Chakwas, thank you," Solana whispered but kept her eyes at the coffin. She wanted to look at Garrus's face, but knew that now would not be a good time. Her heart was already heavy with regret, any more and it would burst.

Talus nodded his head in agreement with his daughter. He was never really close with Garrus. He wanted what was best for his son, but he barked his orders at him, never allotting him to grow up in the way that he should have. Of all the years Talus lived, he never felt more pain in his heart than he did now. His wife was going to die soon, but he loved and cared for her in all the best ways. His treatment towards his son was less than that.

"His face isn't damaged if you would like to see him," Dr. Chakwas tried to keep the moment from remaining silent. A mind always wonders when noise is absent.

Talus shoke his head in acknowledgment and opened his mouth, ready to speak, but then closed it. He wasn't sure if he wanted to see the death on his son's face. "He was never careless with fighting. He fought side-by-side with Commander Shepard, so he must've been something special." Chakwas nodded at his words in full agreement, but she wasn't ready for the question that followed it. "So truly, how did he die?"

The doctor stared at the coffin for a few moments before responding with the only answer she could think of, "It was a broken heart."

This caught both sister and father off guard, so they turned their full attention to her.

"What do you mean?" Solana asked.

"If you had seen the way he looked at Shepard, even when she had just woken up, with her hair askew and crust in her eyes, then you would've seen the love he had for her. Garrus's heart was far too broken to be fixed by anyone but her. He wanted to see her again, and this was the only way he could think of. It was an accidental suicide." Chakwas tried to piece together the puzzle for herself and the Vakarians.

Solana's eyes swept across the floor, as if she could find any other reason her brother died. "I can't believe it," was all she could muster.

"At least he died for love and not political reasons or for the war," Mr. Vakarian tried to reassure her. He was torn inside from the news, but he knew that wherever Garrus was, he was much happier than being alive.

They all agreed in silence, not saying another word. Dr. Chakwas helped them load Garrus's coffin onto a platform so that they could take him back to their ship. The Vakarians said their thanks and goodbyes to Chakwas, knowing this was the last they would see of her.

At this moment in heaven, Garrus was becoming whole from Shepard's embrace. She was the glue for his heart and the medicine for his soul.

* * *

This chapter was a request from mrhawkprime. I hope you enjoy it! Also, happy holidays to those who celebrate them.  Another chapter should be out soon!


End file.
